Three Ugly Sisters

The Three Ugly Sisters 

By Jim Banks,

I would like to introduce you to the meanest, badest, most diabolical sisters to ever roam the earth. Every one of us has had an encounter with them at some point in our lives. Some of us have even invited them home to meet the family. You already know them well because these girls get around, but you may have never realized how destructive these siblings are because you never knew they were related. You invite one home for a visit and all three of these &#r*!!@’s move in.

They are Guilt, Shame and Control.  For artists this trio can be particularly difficult to evict for several reasons. the-three-witches

First, they come innocently in a progression which seems to be quite natural. As human beings, we are oh so aware of when we do something wrong, miss the mark, offend someone, fail, don’t do a good job, or just absolutely blow it. We understand that we have failed ourselves, others and the Lord, all at the same time and we naturally feel remorse or guilt for having flubbed it. Then we’ll chastise ourselves, make vows that we’ll never do that again, then we try to forget it and move on. (A strange little form of denial.) This is the innocent little sister that we often invite home to hang out for a while. We know it’s still around somewhere but try to leave it undisturbed.

When it happens a few more times, as it always does, we wake up one morning to find that a slightly older and tougher sister has somehow also joined you for breakfast; shame. Shame is the painful feeling that over time makes us feel unworthy and tends to try to prophesy more of the same for our future. The feeling is as heavy as it is relentless. In addition to the things we have messed up, there have also been numerous people in our lives that have contributed to shame through things they have said or done to us.  It doesn’t take much to remind us of it, to feel its full weight again and it seems that the enemy has numerous ways to poke it and prod it so that we are consistently aware of its presence.

What then is our response?  We willingly invite the third sister, Control, to move in permanently so that she can help us deal with the other two that are slowly trying to take over the whole house. The motive is simply self-preservation. We don’t want to be consistently reminded of, nor feel the emotions connected with how we messed up and what it’s done to us and others. Unfortunately, Control always employs highly dysfunctional methods of dealing with stuff that sometimes makes it worse; whether its aggression or defense, staying busy or isolating, eating or TV, or simply absolute denial that there are any issues at all. Then it gets ugly when we try to control others, along with our circumstances, to minimize the possibility of disturbing the accumulated shame and pain and encountering more.

This is always destructive to our creativity because typically it requires us to live life out of our head, rather than our hearts. We must be constantly on guard against stirring the girls needlessly. That takes a lot of vigilance, as well as a lot of energy. Creativity flows from the heart, not your head. Your heart is expressive. Your head is reactive. They should be interactive, not adversarial. But that’s what guilt and shame drive you to … an irresolvable internal conflict; a sure-fire creativity killer.

So what’s the cure?  First, realistically own the guilt. If you did something that making amends would resolve, do it. If someone else made you feel guilty for something you did, follow Matthew 5:23-25. Now I specifically chose the word “realistically’ because the enemy of your soul and creativity will always try to manipulate the perception of events to your hurt. There are times when we need to just keep it to ourselves. For instance; If I was convinced that I had wrongly judged Mary as being a self-absorbed idiot, I wouldn’t go to Mary and ask her forgiveness and declare what I originally perceived her to be. That would create a breach when previously none existed. Ask the Lord to help you see which ones require intervention and which to leave alone.

Secondly, forgive yourself. God is not pleased when we will choose to forgive others, but will never choose to forgive ourselves. You probably have learned to grant others grace, but seem to fail to do it for yourself.  Follow Mark 12:28-31 … choose to treat yourself lovingly. It’s a command, not a suggestion.

Then you need to ask God to show you every habit pattern you’ve adopted that causes you to judge yourself harshly and resort to control as a defense against incurring more guilt and shame. Granting yourself grace means letting yourself off the hook personally. You will make mistakes. Things won’t always work out as you hoped. You are a human being and you will let others down. Face It. You will never be perfect, and that’s Okay. Forgive yourself and move on. I am not saying to sear your conscience so that nothing bothers you. Do what you must and move on. Resorting to control is a sure sign things have gotten out of control.

Others will make poor decisions that affect you directly, sometimes intentionally, but more often it is unintentional. The bottom line is that what they chose to do is not your fault. Forgive and refuse the guilt and shame that others often want to lay on you as an excuse for being butt-heads. In so doing you will in time become largely unoffendable. Yes, stuff will happen, but you do not have to have the three-ugly step-sisters move in with you thus, and your creativity will not be diminished either.

If this is still a difficulty for you, there may be other outside agents responsible, such as generational issues, or perhaps iniquitous family belief systems that need to be addressed. A friend or someone trained in these areas can be of great help. Maintaining your peak creativity or enhancing skill sometimes takes work, but it’s well worth it!  When Jesus said that He came to give us abundant life, (as we say in the South) He wasn’t just whistling Dixie.



Your Destiny

Bible Verses About Destiny

Bible verses related to Destiny from the King James Version (KJV) by Relevance

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Habakkuk 2:3 – For the vision [is] yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

John 16:33 – These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Isaiah 55:11 – So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper [in the thing] whereto I sent it.

Romans 8:29 – For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestined [to be] conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Jeremiah 17:10 – I the LORD search the heart, [I] try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, [and] according to the fruit of his doings.

Romans 8:28 – And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Proverbs 16:3 – Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

Proverbs 19:20 – Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.

1 Corinthians 2:7-9 – But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, [even] the hidden [wisdom], which God ordained before the world unto our glory:  Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known [it], they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

Ecclesiastes 6:10 – That which hath been is named already, and it is known that it [is] man: neither may he contend with him that is mightier than he.

Isaiah 46:10 – Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times [the things] that are not [yet] done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:

Ephesians 1:4- Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love…

Who you are in Christ

  “For in Him we live and move and have our being…” Acts 17:28

You need to know WHO you are in Christ so that you know WHAT to do, WHEN to do it, WHERE to go, and HOW to do it!

Who you are in Christin-him

Because you are in Christ, EVERY ONE of these statements is true of you.

  • I am loved. 1 John 3:3
  • I am accepted. Ephesians 1:6
  • I am a child of God. John 1:12
  • I am Jesus’ friend. John 15:14
  • I am a joint heir with Jesus, sharing His inheritance with Him. Romans 8:17
  • I am united with God and one spirit with Him. 1 Corinthians 6:17
  • I am a temple of God. His Spirit and his life lives in me. 1 Corinthians 6:19
  • I am a member of Christ’s body. 1 Corinthians 12:27
  • I am a Saint. Ephesians 1:1
  • I am redeemed and forgiven. Colossians 1:14
  • I am complete in Jesus Christ. Colossians 2:10
  • I am free from condemnation. Romans 8:1
  • I am a new creation because I am in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17
  • I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved. Colossians 3:12
  • I am established, anointed, and sealed by God. 2 Corinthians 1:21
  • I do not have a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
  • I am God’s co-worker. 2 Corinthians 6:1
  • I am seated in heavenly places with Christ. Eph 2:6
  • I have direct access to God Ephesians. 2:18
  • I am chosen to bear fruit John. 15:16
  • I am one of God’s living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house. 1 Peter 2:5
  • I have been given exceedingly great and precious promises by God by which I share His nature. 2 Peter 1:4
  • I can always know the presence of God because He never leaves me Hebrews. 13:5
  • God works in me to help me do the things He wants me to do Philippians 2:13
  • I can ask God for wisdom and He will give me what I need. James 1:5




Definition: An unpleasant emotional reaction by an individual to an actual, or presumed, negative judgment of himself by others, resulting in self-depreciation.

Shame is the first emotion mentioned in the Bible in Genesis 2:25. “Adam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed.”


Tyndale’s translation (paraphrased) records the incident of the first sin and eating the forbidden fruit as follows: “So she ate of some of the  fruit, and gave some to her husband, and he ate it too. And as they ate it, suddenly they became aware of their nakedness, and were embarrassed. So, they strung fig leaves together to cover themselves around the hips. That evening they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden, and they hid themselves among the trees. The Lord God called to Adam, ‘Why are you hiding? And Adam replied, ‘I heard you coming and didn’t want you to see me naked, so I hid.” (Genesis 3:7-10).

The word naked, “Erwah,” symbolizes “shame” and is a different word from the word” Arom,” meaning “to be without clothing.” “Erwah” appears to emphasize the shame that results from the violation of moral and social laws, and the law of conscience. We prior to being born-again are subjected to the violation of these laws which can bring serious mental damage to our emotions.

Idols formed

Shame becomes toxic when we allow someone (or someone forces us) to break our boundaries of morality. See the rape of Tamar, in 2 Samuel 13. Shame not only disfigures our inner conscience-self, but it alters our social conscience-self; when this happens, “fragmentation of soul” can result (Psalm 7:2). This topic will be covered latter.

Shame breeds shame.

Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones in his book, I Am Not Ashamed, makes an interesting statement: “I now want to put before you the Biblical view of man. The Apostle Paul puts into his letter to Timothy in a very interesting phrase. Come back to this great work of his, for which cause I also suffer these things. Nevertheless, I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded—I am perfectly certain, I am perfectly satisfied.” Paul in this passage, is expressing that our faith, our believing in Christ, should be sufficient for us in all things, in all circumstances, and in every situation. Unfortunately, not all of us have arrived in this place of “Blessed assurance,” and we are not fully purged from the iniquities of the past (2 Timothy 2:19-21).

The hidden things of Shame.

Please read Romans 6:19-21 (Amp) and 2 Corinthians 4:1-2. (Amp). In these two Scriptures, unresolved moral conflict will cause shame. Sin should not reign in the believer’s heart. Paul’s use of the word “reign” in Romans 6:12, is “Basileuo” and means “to exercise kingly power.” It means to stop allowing our sinful nature to reign as king in our mortal body. It is the believer’s responsibility to keep sin from mounting onto the throne of the heart.shamed

Instead of the blood of Christ cleansing the inward heart, shame becomes a covering.

A person in this condition may outwardly express a life of holiness, but deep inside there are secret thoughts, feelings and desires. It is these disgraceful things that rob us of our true beauty or nature of Christ. The personality becomes marred, and we lose the image of Christ within. This will produce discouragement and lethargy in out ward manifestation. Here is where shame covers the spirit, stealing its inner power and strength. The person will become despondent and timid, and the person becomes weary and exhausted.

The inner secret thought, feelings and desires must be confessed after we renounce the shame. Our Lord Jesus said, “The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are downtrodden; to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.” (Luke 4:18-19).

How does one get set free.

See 2 Corinthians 4:2 Amplified. The second prayer is a guideline for the “renunciation of Shame.” In the name of Jesus, I come to the cross of Christ where all structures are broken.  I renounce all generational shame that came from my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. I renounce the curse of shame of and poverty. I renounce all personal shame and embarrassment. I release myself from the cycle of shame caused by my own sin or someone’s sin against me. I renounce all family familiar spirits of shame that oppress me, my family, my children’s children. I forgive my forefathers for their sin that caused the curse of shame to come upon me. Thank You Lord Jesus for releasing me from shame.

Blessings to you in Jesus name. 

Introduction to Inner Healing and Deliverance

The Cross

What is broken, can be made whole,

What is dirty, can be made clean,

Resentment, can become forgiveness, 

What is covered, cannot be healed.

Not all wounds, are visible

But, the Cross, is always the place of exchange.

A good case can be made that Jesus was ministering inner healing when He spoke to the woman at the well, who then went into the city proclaiming, “Come, see a man who told me all the things that I have done” (John 4:29). Jesus may have been healing her entire life. Those of us who practice inner healing are convinced it is not only Scriptural but a main theme in God’s Word. (please refer to Scripture list handout in the Appendixes).

Is Inner Healing Scriptural?

Luke 6:46-49—John 21:1-17

 What is Inner Healing?

 Inner healing is applying the redemptive and healing work of Christ to lady-and-moonthe areas of darkness and bondage in our souls that have not received the healing light of Jesus Christ and have opened the door for the enemy to come in and keep us from walking in victory in that darkness or bondage area.

The tools of inner healing are the spiritual disciplines including prayer, confession, forgiveness, and counsel which allows us to walk in the Light and Truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The focus of inner healing is identifying the unhealed access areas of darkness that gave the demonic permission to operate in that area, confess these areas of sin, repent for the behavior resulting from these unhealed areas, and allowing the Christ to cleanse and heal. (Colossians 1:9-14)

Inner Healing practitioners look at character, therefore, to discover what practices in the old nature did not die when we first received Jesus as Lord and Savior.

What is Deliverance?

Specifically, deliverance is the Spirit-empowered ministry of expelling demonic spirits that influence the thoughts, will, actions, and emotions of believers and unbelievers. The authority to expel demonic forces is given to every believer. (Mark 16:17, Luke 10:17-20) In practical terms, deliverance is telling the enemy to leave through the power and authority of Jesus Christ, whose Spirit resides within each believer. The enemy recognizes authority and must bow his knee to the authority of Jesus Christ.

 Are Both Deliverance and Inner Healing Needed for Freedom?

 Yes! Deliverance, which tells the enemy to leave, without inner healing leaves the door open for the demonic influences to return to those access areas and attempts to lead the person back into bondage. Inner healing, which closes the door or access point to the enemy, without deliverance, allows the spirits of darkness to continue to attempt to lead the person back into sinful behavior or unhealthy ways of thinking. When the spirits have been ordered to leave, they cannot return if there is cleansing, healing, and filling with the presence of God in the areas where they had operated.





Grief, Sorrow, Catharsis.

Grief is the cognitive and emotional process of working through a significant loss.The removal or death of anyone that has emotional value will set in motion a grief reaction. While grief is painful it is viewed as a healthy response, for without it a complete emotional recovery is not possible.

The most prominent symptoms of grief is acute psychological pain, emotional pain, a profound sense of loss of expectation, wide pattern of mood swings, feeling hurt, guilt, defensiveness, helplessness, anger, sadness, rage, loneliness, resentment and hopelessness. As if these symptoms are not enough, eating, sleeping and sexual disturbances are common as well as headaches, low energy levels, ulcers, dizziness and colitis may develop.

Grief may be worked through, healed, and resolved by faith, whereas sorrow may return many times.

Sorrow and tears are not signs of lack of faith. Sorrow is a healthy release of loss and hurt. The presence of sorrow is not something bad to be done away with, nor is it something to be healed too quickly. It is a mark of love’s knowing the pain of loss. It will pass away naturally in time, when its work is done in the heart.

Catharsis is outpouring of pent-up emotions.Tears are a gift of heaven. Such sudden outbursts of tears are undeniable evidence that the quest has neared the mark of truth. The emotional release usually opens doors of insight. One may begin to remember long-forgotten or repressed details. Precious ground may be covered in the afterglow of tears. 

This one of the many areas where Inner Healing under the leading of the Holy Spirit can and does bring healing to all areas of the soul. Line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, there a little. Isaiah 28:10.